


Far from Elfhame

by Mergoat



Category: The Folk of the Air - Holly Black
Genre: Book 2: The Wicked King, Canon Compliant, Jude in the mortal world, Spoilers for Book 2: The Wicked King
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-10-13 21:29:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17495711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mergoat/pseuds/Mergoat
Summary: Like everyone else, the end of The Wicked King destroyed me.  I have been in a stupor for the last week since reading and needed to write some fanfic to get out.  This is set one month following the events in the Wicked King. Spoilers for The Wicked King (obviously).





	1. Chapter 1

Analise laughed. The vanilla milkshake felt sticky in my mouth.

‘Don’t look!’ she cried, whispering to Marianne—‘he’s looking this way!’

I catch a glance at the young waiter at the mall’s diner pushing a bit of too long hair out of his eyes, indeed he may have been looking our way before. He is dressed in the tacky yellow and blue uniform of Bob’s Burger Place, a fake chef’s hat on his head. After picking up some dishes from a nearby table he disappears again behind the doors of the kitchen.

The two girls break into giggles. ‘See, I told you he was in to you’ she says conspiratorially to Marianne.

A few seconds after the enthusiasm has died down, Marianne leans over, ‘So... Jude. What’s up with the ring? It makes you look like you are married or something.’

‘Yeah,’ says Annalise. ‘It does’.

‘It’s from my Dad’, I say. Not really a lie after all.

‘Well...if I had a ring from a dad, I wouldn’t wear it on my ring finger. It is just a big turn off.’

Annalise and Marianne are the two ‘’friends’’ I have been set up with by Heather. Her and Vivi have somehow agreed that I ‘’need friends my own age’’ and Heather, probably through bribing, has convinced her younger brother’s girlfriend to take me out. We are supposed to be ‘shopping’ at the mall.

I feel uncomfortable with the two giggling girls. Their life is full with high school, soft ball, and crushes. I can’t imagine that type of life.

‘Where do you go to school again?’ Marianne asks, tilting her brown eyes towards me.

I explain that I am studying at home for my GRE and helping my older sister take care of our little brother and that we only recently moved to this town. This brings on a wave of pity from the two girls. ‘Poor Jude!’ they exclaim, ‘We will take you out, don’t worry!’.

I try to smile, as though the thought of going to a party with drunken teenagers that was all that my heart could desire.

\---------------------------

 

After another hour or so of walking around the mall, exclaiming over this piece of clothing (which are generally either shiny, or torn up looking, or both shinny and torn up) I make my exit.

‘I have to go get my little brother from school’, I explain. ‘On Saturday?’ asks Analise, looking confused.

I inwardly sigh, I had forgotten again how life works in the mortal world. ‘Yeah,’ I say, sounding glum, ‘He has this preschool thing on Saturdays sometimes’.

The girls appear to believe me, expressing regret over how lame my life must be, and offer to invite me to a party next weekend. I start to wonder exactly how much Heather must have bribed them.

Giving an airy response that is neither yes nor no, I make a quick exit though a side entrance to the mall. The local mall building edges up against a slightly wooded area on the outskirts of the town. I follow the stream, breathing in and out the chill October air.

I am fine. I think to myself. I am fine.

But really, I am not fine. I am completely out of my depths over how to act like a regular mortal girl. Is this supposed to be my life now? Am I really supposed to laugh with Analise and Marianne, to play soft ball, and make eyes at gangly long-haired waiters?

I stare down at the ring on my finger. My ring finger. The red face of the ruby stares back at me, mocking me.

_Marry me. Become the Queen of Elfhame._

Fairies can’t lie, but they can trick you. I should have seen this coming. I should have known it was too good to be true.

_Never make a bargain with them. Not a wise one or a poor one, not a silly one or a strange one, but especially not one that sounds pretty good._

I had walked straight into it. I should have known there was a trick, but I had wanted to believe in Cardan.

Cardan.

I try to banish the name from my mind. I try not to think about what he is doing now- if he has been able to put back Maddoc’s rebellion. I try not to think about Nicasia and his reasons for bringing her back to his court.

_His wife._

I am not sure whether to laugh or cry. I have never hated him so much.

The ring stares back, mocking me. In a fit of anger, I try to pull it from my finger. I pull aggressively but it doesn’t come off.

I look at with fury. It slid on easily enough it should come off now. I pull and I pull until my finger is raw. The ring doesn’t budge. Unsnapping my pants I pull off the knife I have strapped against my leg. Even here, some habits die hard.

I take the edge of the knife and try to pry under the ring. After some trials my finger is bleeding but the ring is stuck where it was.

I stew. He must have planned this. He wanted me to remember. He wanted me to remember the day the day he bested me forever.

I lean my face against a tree branch and breathe.

After a few moments I head home to Vivi’s apartment.

\--------------------------

 

My finger is hurting but I pull a bit more on my ring. It is hard for me accept that it isn’t coming off.

I sit at my desk in the tiny guest room in Vivi’s apartment. The desk is covered with papers detailing all my plans and schemes to get back into Faerie. In the past month I have gone over and over the words of my exile. I have tormented myself with imagining that day again, every detail in place. Still, though, I haven’t come up with anything good enough.

I have coerced Vivi into sending birds with messages to members of the Shadow Court, trying to learning anything about what was going on there, but I haven’t received any responses. Probably Cardan has forbidden anyone from writing to me. I grind my teeth at the thought.

I feel so powerless. For six months I was practically ruling Elfhame. I was respected. Feared. I had command even over the High King himself. And who am I now? No one.

I pace around the room, still angry about the ring. What had he done to it? I couldn’t bear to look at it, to remember that moment when I lost everything.

In order to distract myself, I go into the kitchen. A stack of dishes sits in the sink. I take up the sponge and start washing them vigorously. I put my back into scrubbing the porcelain. It isn’t much but is kind of satisfying until the dish snaps in two.

Throwing the pieces in the trash, I head outside with my sword. I parry and slash. Imagining every twig is Cardan’s face. I wish it made me feel better, but it doesn’t.

\-----------------------------------------

 

Two weeks later I have met up with Analise and Marianne twice more. I have even met more of their friends. I wish I could say I was feeling better, that maybe I was starting to fit in in the mortal world, but I am not. I cannot stop from thinking how naive their problems are. How simplistic their lives. How powerless they are.

I was the High Queen of Fairy- how could I settle for anything less?

I have gained back some of the weight I lost in the Undersea. When I look in the mirror my face is less gaunt than before. But I still struggle to sleep at night, plagued by dreams of Cardan. I wish I could say these were dreams where I was fighting him, where I was cutting his still beating heart from his chest, but the dreams are never of that sort. They are of kisses. Time spent warm under the blankets of his bed. Of the surprised look in his eyes when I kissed him in the Court of Shadows.

I hate it.

The only good thing about this mortal life is that I can spend more time with Oak. I have continued teaching him sword fighting and have now started with riddles and star-watching. These are skills he will need when he becomes king, and without me there hasn’t been anyone here to teach him. Vivi has a very ‘open handed’ approach to parenting.

Before Oak comes home from school though my days are boring. I read. I have been reading fairy lore about the Folk, trying to see if there is anything there I don’t know. I go running in the little forested area near our apartment complex. I think, trying to come up with the next stage in my plan.

My life feels boring and senseless.

\----------------------------------

One night while we are preparing dinner, another boxed meal of macaroni and cheese, Vivi puts down the wooden stirring spoon and looks me in the eye.

‘I feel like there is something I should tell you’, she says, eyeing me up. ‘I am just not sure how you are going to react’.

‘What is it?’ I say, now on edge.

‘Well..’ she starts, ‘the day of Taryn’s wedding, after you disappeared, I talked with Cardan.’

‘You did what?’ I ask, honestly confused. ‘You talked about what exactly?’

‘I told him I was worried about you. That you have seemed so tired, so stretched out.’

‘I was really worried about you’, she adds meeting my eyes.

I stare dumbfounded.

‘Yeah, well...’ she continues, ‘basically I suggested that he try to convince you to take a break. That you should come live in the mortal world, at least for a little while. That if you didn’t I was scared about what could happen to you.’

‘I see’, I say reeling. ‘What did he say when you told him this... this _idea_?’

‘He laughed and said, ‘If you think I can make Jude do anything you are probably in for some disappointment.’

‘But it was only later that night when you were taken by the Undersea. I have never seen anyone so enraged, Jude. The skies over Elfhame never cleared while you were gone.’

‘So what are you trying to say?’, I ask.

‘I’m not sure. I guess I just wanted to let you know what happened. I may have planted a seed in him for the idea to banish you.’

She picks up the spoon and gives the macaroni a stir.

A stare at the wall for a few minutes. I want to be angry at Vivi but I can’t be. I know she really must have been worried. She did see me almost die after the attack by Locke and his friends after all.

‘So, what you are saying is that you think he banished me... _for my own good_?’

I can’t get my head around this idea. ‘He hates me, Vivi’.

‘Maybe’ she says, ‘but it didn’t seem that way when you were gone’.

\------------------------------------

 

The next day I am still turning her words over in my mind. Could such a thing be possible? Could Cardan not actually have wanted me gone? I stare at the ring on my finger, the one that apparently I can now never remove.

I can’t decide if the answer matters.

Later that day, a red breasted robin shows up outside my bedroom window, an unusual sight in November. He’s little beak taps against the glass. I open the window and he hops inside. This is when I notice the little bag tied around is his ankle.

Inside is a note in curvy script. It is from Taryn.

_Jude, I am so sorry about what happened. I heard what he did to you. If there is anything I can do, let me know._

I stare at the note for a few moments. My first feeling is anger but soon that ebbs away. I pick up one of my knives and begin polishing it.

A few minutes later I have written back a message, tying it around the foot of the little Robin.

I walk back out into the living room. ‘Vivi I have a favour to ask you’.

\------------------------------

 

Two days later she shows up. Hearing the buzzer, I open the door to see Taryn there. She is wearing an deep blue dress, edged with cream lace. I wonder about her not changing into mortal clothes before coming here. It is as if she feels the need, even here, to stress that she is the one with a place in Faerie not me.

I welcome her in, biting back the anger and feelings of betrayal seeing her stirs in me. I try to make my face flat and calm. I try not to remember what she did while I was dueling with Balekin.

‘Oh, Jude!’ she cries, looking at me. ‘This is so awful.’

For a minute, I am reminded that Taryn, more than anyone else, can understand that Faerie is our home.

‘It is awful,’ I say throwing myself down on the couch. ‘You have no idea’.

She sits down more daintily beside me. I can see the star and moon earring glittering in her ears, she must always wear them now.

‘Now you must finally understand’, she says. ‘It was a mistake to make Cardan king’.

‘Everyone knows it Jude… Locke, Maddoc- everyone agrees he isn’t fit to be High King of Faerie. Surely you must see it too.’

She looks me in the eyes and I do not contradict her.

‘What’s happened since I left,’ I ask, eager for any news she can give me.

‘Oh, it’s been terrible!’ she gushes, going on to explain how several of the smaller courts have broken off to back Maddoc’s side. This is incredibly worrying but I try to keep my face neutral.

After a minute or two, Vivi enters bringing two cups of tea. She and Taryn hug and she asks how things have been since the wedding.

I sip my tea slowly, listening to Taryn talk about her new wardrobe and Locke’s ever unfolding schemes. It comes to me how strange it is to sit just the three of us. It reminds me of our childhood, but then Vivi was Folk and Taryn and I were the mortal ones. Somehow things have been reversed now, with Vivi trying at being mortal and Taryn a member of the gentry- and I am not sure where I fit in.

Taryn looks at me; she has just finished talking about her plans for remodeling in Locke’s estate after the war. There will always be a room there for me, she hints with a cautious smile.

I smile back at her.

\-------------------------------------------

 

Half an hour later, I am on a pearly white pony called by Vivi. Taryn slumbers in my room, knocked out by the sleeping pill I gave for Vivi to put in her tea. I am wearing a dark blue gown edges with lace and I gallop towards Faerie.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

While I ride I try to develop a plan. Yet all my schemes threaten to rush out of my head as I am greeted by the familiar sights of Faerie.

I slip from my pony some way from Madoc’s stronghold, surreptitiously setting a foot on the ground. After it touches, I let go of a breath I hadn’t known I had been holding. Some part of me still wasn’t sure what ‘let her not step one foot in Faerie or forfeit her life’ meant exactly. I never really thought that Cardan had the power to make me instantly die or something when my foot touched the island, but I have to admit that I wasn’t entirely sure until this moment.

_Well at least that was one thing I didn’t have to worry about anymore._

Sadly my list of worries was still too long for this to be especially comforting.

The mossy ground felt good beneath my foot. It felt like home.

I walk through the woods until I come to the outskirts of Madoc’s estate. It is still early evening, and everything looks dead around here. I try to peer in the windows on the ground level but thick curtains have been pulled across them. I have the feeling that the house is empty.

Going around to the back I spy the balcony to my room. I try to get a foot hold in the jutting stones of the wall. _Just like old times_ , I tell myself as I grunt trying to pull myself up. I thought I have kept in shape in the mortal world, but I still must not have regained all the muscle I lost in the Undersea.

I am sweating in the blue dress, when I pull myself over the railing. Happily I find my balcony door unlatched, just as I left it last time I was here.  
Walking into my old room brings back all the memories of my last days in Faerie. My room looks bare now, without my stuffed animals, but my little bookcase is still there with its few mortal books and collected nicknacks. My bed has been made, I am pretty sure I left it in a mess last time I left. Walking into the bathroom, I realize all remnants of blood have been washed from the tub as well.

The room could just as well belong to someone else.

Someone who liked books and not swords. Someone who dreamed of dancing with a prince. Someone who knew she belonged.

I wonder who I would be if I were that person. Somehow I cannot picture it.

I stash Nightfell under the bed. This is my real reason for coming here. I knew the sword was too recognizable and my plan would never work if I was carrying it around. However, I couldn’t bear the thought of entering Faerie without a sword. Knives are helpful in a pinch, but they have never been my weapon. I also didn’t like the idea of leaving it somewhere Taryn might find it.

After hiding the sword, I sit on the bed, suddenly tired.

Staying away was hard but coming back is harder. It is like going back in time, starting over. I used to have power, prestige, and position. All of sudden I have nothing again. All the choices are open before me, but I am not sure who I want to be, what role I will take on.

I glance in the mirror and Taryn stares back at me.

Taryn was always good at adapting, like a chameleon, changing her skin for every surrounding. I am sure she would have done just fine in the mortal world. If I am going to pull off this plan of my mine I will have to learn a few pages from her book.

Standing up again, I push aside any thoughts of rest and head down to the kitchens. Hopefully there is still something down there, I am not sure how long it has been since anyone was in this house. But food will help me think clearer and now more than ever I need to be on point.

\------------------------------

When I reach the kitchen I am immediately taken back by a figure sitting at the table. She turns towards me, it’s Tatterfell.

I am surprised to see her here, but she looks less surprised to see me.

‘Oh,’ I say, ‘I didn’t know anyone was home’. _And why are you here?_ , I add to myself.

‘That’s alright, my dear. Let me get you something to eat, you look famished,’ she says frowning.

It is although we have gone back in time a full year, and I am still Madoc’s daughter and just come down for an evening snack. She stands and moves toward the bread larder, bringing out a big loaf crusted with pumpkin seeds and other kernels.

‘You thought I would be with the general, I gather’, she says answering my silent question.

‘Well you’ve never been a good one for listening when someone else is talking. I told you before that he gifted my remaining time to you. Such a thing is not so easily undone.’

She starts cutting thick wedges of cheese to go with the bread.

I feel a pang of guilt. I had taken Tatterfell for Madoc’s spy, which I guess she still may be, but obviously she had taken her dedication into my service seriously. I don’t ask how she seems to know immediately that I am not Taryn. Instead, I just accept the plate she hands to me. I have to admit, the bread and cheese was exactly what I needed.

‘So, I am guessing you have stashed your sister away somewhere in the mortal world? I thought you might think of something like that,’ she sighs.

I don’t correct her. She somehow makes it sound as though Taryn’s betrayal of me and the kingdom is just typical sibling bickering.

I start stuffing bread into my mouth. After weeks of wonder bread from Walmart it tastes heavenly.

She nods, watching me eat. I wonder if she is happy to have her ward back to boss around. I have no idea what she has been up to while I was away.

‘Well- I can’t make you tell me your plan if you don’t want to... but my guess is that you are back for that funeral tonight?’

‘Funeral?’ I ask, my mouth full of bread.

‘Prince Balekin’s funeral. It’s going to be beside the sea.’

‘It’s been nine weeks,’ she says as though it is obvious.

I swallow. Nine weeks. The amount of time the Folk wait to honour someone unjustly killed. The idea is three weeks for mourning, three weeks for celebrating, and three weeks for revenge. How like Cardan to pretend that his brother was _unjustly killed_. His brother had been plotting his murder of all things. I can’t get it out of my head that Cardan enjoys spiting me _even when I am not here_.

I notice I have shredded the bread in my hands into a small pile of pieces.

I try to adapt my mind to this new information. If everyone is at the funeral it will be a perfect time to sneak into the palace and a good opportunity to lay the foundations for my plan.

_Get into the Palace. Get into the information you need. Avoid the funeral where you are sure to get caught._

\-----------------------------

Thirty minutes later I am going through Taryn’s closet. I have no idea what the Folk wear to funerals, as I have never been to one before. Somehow I cannot imagine them draped in black mourning attire but I am still not sure if the skyblue gown with pearly white embroidery or the sunlight yellow silk hanging on the rack is really appropriate.

I am starting to get frustrated when a hand reaches from behind me, pushing another gown under my nose.

It is Tatterfell, and she is holding a dark purple gown with black swirling embroidery in the shape of wind and stars. It is dress I have never seen before.

‘Madoc ordered this made for you, before you left for the mortal world.’

I wonder exactly how far before I left. Did he order it when we were planning together to protect Oak’s safety at the wedding? Did he order it when I was gone, in the Undersea, as a kind of testimony to his hope that I would make it back? Or did he order it after he had planned with Taryn and Locke how to betray me and the king.

I guessed I would never know.

‘Thanks,’ I say, to Tatterfell, because as much as I hated it, the dress really was perfect.

‘I will need some gloves’, I add, looking down at the ruby shining on my finger.

\------------------------------

The night is dark, but a strip of land beside the shore of the island has been lit up by torches. The sound of the sea slapping against the rocks gives the scene and eerie feel. My face is painted with swirling lines, black like the embroidery on my dress and my hair is bound up behind me. My ears are covered by a delicate purple cloth wrapped around my head. My hope is that in the darkness no one even notices me. And, if they do, that they assume I am Taryn.

I am amble just close enough to spy the raised platform that has been made for the occasion. A form that must be Balekin’s body is raised on a board, lifted high above the ground on a lofty tower of green hued wood.

The Folk do not bury their dead, but burn them on a pyre. Balekin has been covered by a thickly embroidered shroud.

Honestly, I am just glad I can’t see his face.

I have arrived late on purpose. I am planning to stay by the edges of the ceremony, but when I see Cardan arrive, swathed in a dark cloak, I take a few steps forward without thinking.

I cannot hear the words he says over the body but watch as he sets a torch on the pyre. The flames spread, lighting up the night.

He looks every part the High King. The power of the scene makes me want to look away, as though I, a mortal and a murderer, have no right in this place.

I have to forcibly remind myself that Balekin wanted Cardan dead and he would have liked me dead too. An image of what happened between us in the Undersea passes through my mind and I am suddenly happy again to see him burn.

As I am thinking this, Cardan turns. Though I am on the edge of the gathering I feel his eyes meet mine. They appear to widen slightly, perhaps in surprise.

All the thoughts that have been swirling around in my head ever since I arrived back in Faerie—do I belong here, what will my role be, will I ever have my own place—crystalize in that moment.

There was no other place I could be but here. For good or bad, this was my world. This certainty settles in the pit of my stomach.

After a moment, however, he turns his head away. Letting go of my breath, I take a step back into the shadows, both disappointed and relieved that he must not of have recognized me.

After all, it was certainly better this way for what I was going to do next.

\-------------------------------------

As the body burns, the Folk begin to mill about. The next part of the event will undoubtedly be a raucous party somewhere to celebrate the dead. I would like to survey the crowd... find out if either Locke or Nicasia are there, see if anyone other players are missing. However, I know that if my plan is going to work I need to make my exit now, before anyone has noticed me.

So instead of following the group headed back, I thread my way towards the woods, stepping carefully over stones and tree branches. I pause my retreat for a second, looking back, not willing to admit to myself that I wish I could catch another glimpse of Cardan before I go. That is the moment the bag comes over my head.


	3. Chapter 3

I struggle against the bag but strong arms are restraining it. I bit down hard, fighting the feeling of panic that threatens to overwhelm me. My first thought is of the Undersea, that they’ve taken me again. _Maybe Cardan won’t save you this time_ , my next thought follows nonsensically.

I try to jab my elbow into the stomach of whoever is carrying me. I can’t gather my full force within the bag, but I still manage to connect and hear an answering cry outside.

All of a sudden I am being flipped upside down, my arms legs flying backwards over someone’s shoulders.

I kick with all my strength, I won’t be taken again.

I hear some whispered words outside the bag. I am all of sudden being lifted and hauled again, this time by someone else.

That person stoops down, perhaps to enter a door. A moment later, I have been set down, my arms are let go.

Without pausing I whip the bag from my head, my hands going straight for my knives. The room is dimly lit, a tall broad figure is standing beside me. I swing towards him with all my strength. Someone else grabs me from behind.

‘Easy, there’.

The voice is one I recognize, it is the Roach.

I tear my arms from his grasp, but take a stumbling step backwards.

‘What is going on?’, I ask, my checks heated with rage and humiliation.

‘I am sorry about that, Jude’, he says shrugging, as though abducting me against my will was no big deal. ‘You are supposed to be in exile after all’.

I am a small, dark room with a low ceiling. The person standing next to the Roach is tall and dressed in black. His bare feet are unusually large and hairy. I am guessing this is whoever was responsible for carrying me like a bushel of apples through the forest.

I note his face so I can remember him later.

A voice calls from the other room, ‘send her in’.

An irritatingly familiar voice.

I run my hands through my hair, trying to settle it. Being transported in bag was hardly part of my plan for tonight. I am beyond angry.

Roach raises an eyebrow at me and gestures towards the door.

‘Good to have you back, girl’, he adds winking.

Throwing my shoulders back I walk through the door.

\-------------------------

 

I room I enter is medium sized and circular. The walls and ceiling are wood. I have the distinct feeling that I may be inside a tree. Planted in the middle of the room is a throne, carved out of dark wood. It rises seamlessly from the floor. This must some sort of local court where judgements were meted out; it appears to have been abandoned for some time.

Cardan is sitting there, slouched against the throne. He is wearing the same clothes I saw him in at the funeral earlier. He obviously hasn’t had time to change.

One of his hands is draped dramatically over his eyes.

‘How you delight in spoiling my plans’, he mutters as if to himself.

‘Me, spoiling _your_ plans?’ I say aghast.

‘Do you realise that if anyone saw you they would expect me to have you killed?’, he adds sighing loudly. ‘Do you realise what a mess you have made?’

‘Well, whose fault is that’, I say.

Finally, he looks up and I catch a glimpse of his black eyes glittering with sardonic glee- ‘surely, none but your own, wife’.

_Wife._

I can’t stand the mockery I feel sure I hear in his voice. My cheeks are still stained red in humiliation about being dragged upside down over someone’s shoulders.

He continues on, ‘It was you after all that killed my brother, after I specifically asked you not to. It was you who nearly destabilised my peace with the Undersea. And it was your disloyal family who made such a mess out of my kingdom that I still haven’t sorted everything out.’

I take two steps towards him. He leans back as though avoiding my advance. The air is tight between us. I have never gotten used to being so close to him and having been away it hits me again like stonewall. I am surprised the Court of Shadows have left us alone. Perhaps there is someone watching from a concealed door with an arrow primed at my heart.

‘I would have come for you, you know. After the funeral was completed, the Undersea would have accepted your return without insult,’ he says, standing up now from the throne and stepping away from me towards the other side of the room.

A small part of me still wants more than anything to believe him. But I know how much he must have enjoyed the pain and humiliation I suffered that day. I know how he enjoys seeing me brought low.

He begins to pace from side to side, his cloak swirling around him. ‘Unless of course you preferred to stay in the mortal world,’ he adds, his voice softening a hair. The lingering question hovers in the air.

‘You thought I would chose to stay there?’ I ask, momentarily taken aback.

‘Is it really so bad?’, he asks with a forced laugh, not answering the question and still not looking at me. ‘I guess I wouldn’t know, as I haven’t been there,’ he admits. ‘It does sound like a boring place… but some seem to like it’.

‘I mean, it’s not bad’ I say, stumbling for words. ‘It is just not where I belong. This is my home.’

‘Is it?’ He says only now really meeting my eyes for the first time. His dark kohl lined eyes take me in, my dishevelled hair and painted face, surely now smeared after travelling in the bag. I feel embarrassed over my appearance but thankfully I notice no hint of the sly smirk I normally see on his face.

‘This is the only place for me’, I mean to say it forcefully but it comes out more like a whisper.

I wait for him to deny it, to say that this would never be my world- that I am just a mortal, who will never ever fit in here.

Instead my words hang in the air between us.

Remembering myself, all of a sudden I am not sure why we are having this conversation. I break his gaze, trying to regain my anger.

‘The things you mentioned are not my fault. You had no right to send me away.’ Tearing off my gloves, I notice again the ruby ring on my finger. ‘‘And what have you done to this ring- it won’t come off’.’

‘Trying to run away from your vows already, were you? Just a few weeks apart and my wife has forgotten all about me.’, he says with an elaborate sigh.

‘Me… Forget about my vows?’ I ask bubbling with indignation. ‘The whole thing was just a joke to you.’ The words are painful because they are true.

He laughs aloud, still pacing beside the throne. ‘Surely you know by now, nothing in Faerie is more serious than a vow’.

‘Faerie vows are always tricks,’ I say, turning away from him. ‘They always have some hidden terms, some catch, some element you didn’t see coming. They are tools for crafting deception.’

‘And I lost. You got what you wanted, you won. You were released from my service. You tricked me and I have nothing now.’

‘But it won’t stay that way forever,’ I add.

‘You need me,’ I say, trying to make my voice sound harsh and fierce.

‘I may have been away but even I know your power is crumbling. How long can you hold out against Madoc. You have to quell the treason stirring in the lower courts. I can help, I have a plan’.

He starts to talk but I interrupt him. ‘Right now, Taryn is in the mortal world. Vivi promised to keep her there, at least over night. Hopefully for longer.’

‘I can go, I can pretend to be her. Locke has confused us before. I can find out what they are planning. I can find out what you need to beat them’. The last words come out in a rush.

‘My little mayfly, always scheming’, he says with a small wicked grin in my direction. ‘A subtle plan you have devised, but how can I trust you, how can I believe that you won’t go there and spill my secrets instead?’

This is the moment I play my only card.

‘I am the Queen,’ I say, looking at him. ‘Surely it is my kingdom too’.

His movement stops and his dark eyes lock on mine. I see a questioning in them. I can lie after all and he isn’t sure if I can be trusted.

I take another step closer to him. He steps backwards, coming up against a wall. He may not notice it but he is trying to get away from me.

I step forward with another step, until I am almost pressed against him.

‘I want you to recognize me as Queen’, I whisper in his ear, closer than ever. A small shiver passes over him.

He moves a hand, as though to touch my arm, but pulls it back.

‘You realize I should be out there right now, drinking and celebrating at the revel,’ he says, his eyes still locked on mine, ‘people need to see their king. Some will doubt that I am really honouring my brother’s death.’

‘Well, go then’, I say, trying to make light as though he has no power over me, although when we stand so close my veins are on fire.

‘I should,’ he says, but he makes no motion.

‘Recognize me as Queen, Cardan’. I say again, placing a hand against his cheek.

One of his hands moves to touch a lock of my hair. He wraps it around his finger as though feeling its softness. , ‘I have so missed your villainous plans,’ he mutters, leaning forward and breathing deeply the scent of my hair and my mortal shampoo.

I know now is the moment to press my advantage. To make him agree. To make him suffer for what he has done. But I turn my head and my mouth finds his mouth and I am underwater, pulled away by the tide.


	4. Chapter 4

Too soon, I break the kiss. I promised myself that I wouldn’t be taken in by him. That I wouldn’t bend to the treacherous fire my veins. But I had forgotten what it was like and the feeling was stronger than I could remember. We feel like two halves of a magnet, a force pulling us together.

It takes every inch of strength and will I have to take a step backwards. I try to calm my breathing, too aware of the flush on my checks.

He steps toward me, but I push him back.

‘I will go to Madoc’s stronghold, I will discover his plans and when I have laid them bare for you- when I have settled this rebellion stirring against you- then you will recognize me as Queen.’

His eyes are black and shining. ‘And then what?’

‘Then we rule together,’ I say, ‘just like you promised’.

He sighs, running a long fingered hand through his hair.

‘Jude, I am not letting you go there. You could be captured again. Anything could happen.’

I swallow. This is exactly what I myself fear.

‘I won’t be captured.’ I say, feigning confidence. ‘Besides, if it did come to that, Madoc wouldn’t hurt me’. I hoped.

He looks at me, disbelief in his eyes. He obviously still doesn’t trust me.

‘No.’ He says, like the question is settled. He takes a step back, putting his hands behind his back thoughtfully.

‘I will go back out there, I will join the festivities and pay the respect due to my brother and a prince of faerie. You will stay here, until Roach and the court of the shadows find a good way to bring you covertly to the palace for the night and in the morning you will be escorted back to the mortal world and I will have you brought back at a more appropriate time.’

His tone of authority really riles me. _A more appropriate time_. I have been away too long and now he thinks he can tell me what to do. He thinks he has authority over me.

‘Your being ridiculous if you overlook this opportunity!’, I say with some heat, ‘Let me do this’.

‘I have my own schemes at work’, he says vaguely.

‘—and you won’t tell me what those are?’

He turns meeting my eyes, there is a mischievous gleam in his eye. ‘No. Not right now, I won’t.’

It takes a moment for me to realize how entirely our roles have changed. A few months ago, I had all the power. I could command him to do my will. Now, I was basically begging.

The realization is not a comfortable one.

He is obviously enjoying keeping me in the dark, when I used to be the one with all the secrets.

I grind my teeth in frustration. I open my mouth to speak but he interrupts me: ‘—darling Jude, it has been a great surprise to see you tonight and I would not say an unpleasant one,’ he says, with a sardonic smile, ‘but I have important duties I should attend to.’

‘We can have another tête-à-tête before you leave’, he adds, his eyes glittering.

And with that, he turns, black cape swirling behind him, and walks out.

 ----------------------------------

‘Explain to me again how this is a good idea?’

I sigh.

‘You know the crown is in crisis. We _need_ inside information and I am the only one positioned to get it’. I ignore for the moment the idea of whatever ‘plans’ Cardan had mentioned. He can’t lie, so he must have something going on but I couldn’t trust it would work out. Too much was at stake.

‘So, you are telling me that the High King, when he realizes what you’ve done will welcome you back with open arms and words of thanks?’

‘Yes’, I say, ‘I am completely confident’. This is such a lie I am sure he can smell it. The Roach gives me a look out of the corner of his eye. I know I am spending any friendship points we have and I really hope this doesn’t all go wrong.

‘Okay...’ he says, ‘so you want me to ignore the _explicit command_ of the _High King of Faerie_  to bring you to the palace under the hill and just let you go on your merry way instead.’

I twirl one of my knives offhandedly. ‘He did say you were to ensure I reached the palace, but he didn’t say when. Not explicitly. And I will go there. I promise. After I have learned something about the plans of Madoc and his party. They are the real traitors here, Roach. They are trying to destroy Cardan’s kingdom and end the peace between the courts.’

The Roach gives an elaborate sigh, scratching his long curved nose.

‘I really don’t know about this Jude.’

‘Of all the things we’ve done together- is this really the most risky?’, I ask.

There is a pause. ‘I guess probably not. And probably the not the most stupid either. But I am not sure if that means it is a good idea.’

He turns and looks me in the eye:

‘I just need to know that this isn’t about some competition between you and Cardan. Promise me this is not some elaborate plan to get even with him or make him worry. Promise me that, and that you will try to come back in one piece, and I will let you go, although it goes against my better judgement.’

‘It’s not, and I will’ I say.

He makes another loud, theatrical sigh.

‘Things have been so boring with you in the mortal world.’

‘You have no idea,’ I respond.

\--------------------------------

 

I slip out of my dark purple dress and into the green gown of Taryn’s.

There is no stable nearby and I can’t risk taking one of mounts reserved for the royal court. Luckily Roach has managed to find a sleepy pony, probably belonging to some drunk noble. The beast doesn’t have an ounce of ambition in its eyes. I hoped it have the energy to take me to Madoc’s new stronghold. He apparently had become occupying some previously abandoned castle on the border to the Court of Moths.

Saying goodbye a quick goodbye to the Roach (I didn’t want to give him time to rethink letting me go), I jump on my pony.

I nudge the animal with my shoe.

It doesn’t move.

‘Go forth, steed!’ I say, as way of encouragement.

Still nothing.

I tried squeezing with my legs. ‘Run like the night wind flying across the hills!’.

The horse turns towards me and gives me a suspicious look, but still doesn’t move.

The Roach is behind me hiding a laugh. This was ridiculous.

I kick harder, really driving my heel into the creature’s side.

It took exactly one step forward. This was going to be a long night.

\-----------------------------------

 

After two hours of ‘riding my horse’. I had only managed to reach the edge of Milkwood.

So far things were not going as planned.

I didn’t think Cardan would actually send someone after me, but at this rate they would overtake me faster than a blink of a toad’s eye.

I didn’t know how long it would take to get to Madoc’s stronghold, but I knew I needed to move fast. Who knew how long Vivi would manage to keep Taryn in the mortal world without her managing to send some sort of message.

I got down off my horse. It gave a whinny, craning its head in my direction. ‘No treats for you,’ I mutter under my breath.

I can hear the tinkling of a stream in the distance. Perhaps I could find another way to travel.

\-----------------------------

It turns out I was in luck. This spring happened to be home to water nymphs, one was playing a stringed instrument akin to a harp and two other of which were lying about eating small wriggling fish and talking.

The one with the harp saw me arrive on the shore:

‘Mortal girl, swim with us. We can sing and play in the water all the day.’

I knew enough to never trust the words of a nymph. There was no way that this ‘playing’ would involve anything other than my ultimate watery demise. After my time in the undersea, I had had enough of water folk.

‘I came not to play, but to suggest a bargain’, I say, pitching my voice across the water.

‘I need to travel to the Court of the Moths with some speed. I offer this bracelet in return for my journey’.

It was actually Taryn’s bracelet, stolen from her jewelry box back home to go with my purple gown. However, I doubted she’d miss it.

The small delicate stones of the bracelet sparkled in the moonlight as I held it up. Water nymphs are vain creatures, caring more for pretty trifles than for anything else.

‘Why journey to such an ugly place, when you can stay here and play with us? I can teach you how to collect shining pebbles and skip them across the water’, said one of the two chatting girls, with a high trebly laugh.

‘As nice as that sounds, this is not what I seek,’ I say, trying not to sound annoyed ‘I have business that must be attended to.’

‘It is a half day journey at least to reach the Court of the Moths’, said the other girl, who appeared the youngest of the tree-- but her eyes linger on the bracelet.

‘Take me to the court of the moths, quickly, leave me safely on the shore of the river there, and you will have the bracelet. This is the deal and no other will do’.

There is a moment of hesitation, but then the youngest one yields. I am then placed on a wide leaf, surely gotten from some huge tree, and the young nymph swims besides me, guiding me down the river.

I wanted to use this time to plan out what to do when I arrived—every plan I had made so far this night had been only half-baked—but the nymph speaks incessantly. She complains about the other girls at the river, her sisters. She tells about the jewels she already owns and about all the pieces possessed by other nymphs. She tells me about the salmon and when they would be returning. She tells me of the small guppies and how they like to jump from the water. She talks about the dryads and how dull it must be to be a tree.

At first I could kind of ignore her speaking but after a complete hour it had really begun to get on my nerves, and as far as I could tell there was no way to get her to stop. I first try the subtle: not answering. Then I try the less subtle, yawning repetitiously. But nothing stops the never-ending stream of chatter. Even when I try telling her explicitly that I wasn’t interested, she just laughs as though I had made a joke and continued on.

After two hours, my backside was sore from bumping on passing rocks and I was really, really hoping to arrive soon. I even missed my pony a little bit.

After three hours, I knew the names of all the water nymphs in Elfhame, and some in other places as well. I also knew all the best places for catching fish and all the local gossip about who betrayed whom and who had written which song. I knew how had the best singing voice and who could braid moss into sea chains. It was exhausting. Maybe this was why Nicasia liked to spend her time on land.

After an endless eternity, the large leaf bumps against the riverbank.

‘This is the edge of the court of the moths’, says the girl giggling. ‘And now the bracelet’, she adds, her eyes sparkling with greed.

I pull it out from where I have had it hidden in my pocket. She grabs for it immediately, holding it up to the light. ‘Isn’t it lovely?’ she asks, her voice filled with pleasure.

‘Beautiful’, I respond, if without much energy.

She gives me a smile, and slips back under the water.

I have never been so happy to be left alone in my life.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments welcome but please be kind!


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